Collard Weekly Columns, Cuffing Season Woes, The Modern Condition

Cuffing Season Woes: Revenge Body–The Rise and the Fall


Graphic Courtesy of Anisa Rahaman

Graphic Courtesy of Anisa Rahaman


Between the Housewives marathons, celebrity Instagram stalking, and talking to Wendy Williams through your TV screen you’ve got your hands full trying to keep your mind occupied during cuffing season. When you’re not distracting yourself with trash TV you’re throwing yourself into work, just trying to keep afloat during finals. In the midst of all the distracting, and studying, and working, and wishing you were asleep, you’re probably not carving out time to work out. You’re probably not eating right. During the summer it’s all about the perfect body, the perfect tan, the perfect pedi, the perfect sundress. During the fall it’s all about the perfect GPA. The effort we put into the best body during the summer all goes downhill during and post-Cuffing Season. Between the late-night Subway hoagies, caffeine bloat, and 2am Jumbo Slice that summer body starts to dwindle quickly. Then, autumn really kicks that toned ass with the pies, turkey, gravy, and starchy-blessedness of Thanksgiving.

When you came to grips with being bae-less this Cuffing Season, you probably swore you’d keep your figure and build intact. If nothing else, you’d try to maintain your physique out of spite for not having somebody to hold you down. Yet, somewhere down the line, the rolls started piling up. I mean, who wants to trudge to the gym in snow boots and bundles of wooly fabric? In the winter, the gym is for the birds. Well, even more than it usually is. My fellow Cuffing Buddy Woes, we are in the throes of the rise and fall of the great sundress-primed body. RIP.

RosewaterSignage copy

December 16, 2015

About Author

Rosewater Rosewater is pursuing her Bachelor’s Degree in International Relations and Leadership and Management minor at American University. Her passion for education encourages her love of teaching and learning from others. She uses humor and creativity to push back against elitism in higher academia—often infusing pop culture references to make heady concepts more digestible. She advocates for urban youth’s accessibility to political and social justice concepts, with an ultimate goal of fervently improving urban development. She is committed to her dream of founding a national non-profit to expand resource accessibility to low income housing residents. As a writer and graphic illustrator for The Collard, she enjoys weaving ratchet politics and everyday happenings together for the modern millennial’s entertainment and education.

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