“Put molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it. I took her home and I enjoyed that. She ain’t even know it.” –Rick Ross, UOENO
Practicing safety is an essential part of a healthy sex life, and consent is fundamental in sexual safety. Lyrics like Rick Ross’s give dark, and important, insight into the attitudes around consent in our culture. We don’t often acknowledge its importance, and this is a problem. Some things to keep in mind when practicing safe sex specifically around the necessity of clear, enthusiastic consent.
- Sex without consent in rape
Consent is a mutually agreed upon scenario where all parties have freely agreed. As soon as someone says “no” or signals discomfort this is no longer a consensual scenario and the activity needs to cease. Just because you have previously had sex with someone, are in a relationship, or have previously established consent doesn’t mean you can assume consent every time. Also, just because someone has given consent for one action doesn’t mean they necessarily consent to another. For example, consent to head doesn’t mean consent to penetration. Ask for consent along the way.
- Consent should be clear and enthusiastic
If you have to question it then don’t pursue sex. You want to be sure you’re ready and your sexual partners are ready. If you don’t know if you’re ready or your partner(s) doesn’t seem sure they’re ready then take a step back. Communicate with your partner(s) and make sure you are both ready to engage in the same activities.
- “How do you want it? How do you feel?”
Good old 2pac standing up for consent. Consent can and should be a part of seduction. Checking for consent does not need to feel clinical or like a public opinion poll. You can ask for consent through classic fuckboy phrases: “You like that? Would you like if I…? Tell me how you like it. Are you feelin’ me like I’m feelin’ you? What are you down for?”
If you would like ideas for how to creatively, casually, and sexily ask for consent check out the Consent is Sexy webpage. http://www.consentissexy.net/consent
“Safe Sex X” is Bae Watch’s new Fall mini-series.