The Modern Condition

Eat Paper to Achieve the Two-Dimensional Flat Tummy You Want This Spring

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There is a lot of diet advice out there and let’s be honest, it’s overwhelming. How do you know what is healthy or unhealthy? More importantly, how do you know what will work?

In spite of the trend toward body positivity, people still want flat tummies. And we get it! That’s what you’ve been taught to want. This “love yourself” mantra that’s being blasted at you from some media outlets seems like a trend. So let’s get back to what’s real. Let’s get back to striving for flat tummies.

This spring, the sure-fire flat-tummy trick is…paper!

“Paper?” You ask. “But my third-grade teacher looked at me funny when I ate a corner of page 27 of The Boxcar Children.” Sure, but your third-grade teacher was probably a little dumpy, wasn’t she?

She was, we knew it.

Research shows that your body forms to the shape of whatever food you eat. Think about it: if you eat a lot of Cheerios, you’re likely to take on that shape. Likewise, eating paper will give you that sheet-thin form!

There is no evidence yet that eating construction paper turns you into a construction worker, so it’s probably just as good as copier paper. Here’s to these summer bodies!

March 28, 2017

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Tam Sackman


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