Sign My Petition to Make Sure the Next President is Hot


After receiving the news of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s visit to the U.S., I suddenly became aware of a startling injustice to the American people. Why do they get a super hot leader, when our options for the next election are between a man who looks like a cross between several different fruits and vegetables (pumpkin, tomato, orange etc.), a woman whose eyes don’t move when she smiles, and a human q-tip?


Sure, Obama had that “Just for Men Touch of Gray” thing going for him, I know, but he’s on his way out! JFK was so hot that he got assassinated. But I think America is ready for a definitively hot president. Which is why I have created this petition, entitled “Make Sure Our Next President is As Hot As, If Not Hotter, Than Justin Trudeau.


Why does Canada have no wars and a super-hot president? It’s like, pick one!

March 14, 2016

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Tam Sackman

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