Bae Watch

OKCupid: Messaging Mishaps—Does it go down in the DMs?

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Graphic Courtesy of Anisa Rahaman

Graphic Courtesy of Anisa Rahaman

Yo Gotti really has dudes out here thinking they can ask ladies to Snapchat or FaceTime body parts. It really does go down in the DMs, but not always positively. Here are some of the ratchetest, corniest, and ridiculous messages I received during my time on OKCupid. Since guys are always confounded by the correct way to holla at somebody, please see the reasoning for why these messages took the L.

  • “Good day, I noticed that your profile was screaming for my attention, so i decided to give you the privilege of receiving a personal message from me. How are you?”
    –40 years old, Silver Spring, Maryland

Seriously… You’ll give me the privilege? There’s really no need to explain why this is disrespectful.

  • “You probably hear this all the time but girl you are looking mighty fine, and since I saw your picture last I can’t get you out of my mind. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat hoping you would like to meet. Maybe wine and dine if you ever have the time. Girl I just want to make you mine.”
    –23, Sterling, Virginia

While I’ll give this guy props for basic creativity and effort, this poem is pretty corny. Doesn’t everybody have some rendition of this basic freestyle in their Instagram DMs? Too corny, bruh.

  • “I meannn due to my hypothesis I would say that you would need alot of playdough to make time anddd sugar spice and everything nice to make time soooooooo how ya gonna do it have a date at your job? Lol”
    –24, Fairfax, Virginia

This guy sent me this message since my profile notes I am a self-diagnosed workaholic. Honestly… I don’t even know what some of this message means. I “would need a lot of playdough to make time?” All the journalism skills in the world couldn’t help me understand what this phrase meant. Sidebar Pro tip: guys, never use the phrase “sugar, spice and everything nice” when trying to get at someone. I’m not a Powerpuff Girl, I’m a grown woman.

  • “Hi. I just want to say you have outstanding complexion, luscious hair, alluring eyes, breath taking smile and a cute face:) You are such a stunner!”
    –18, Bethesda, Maryland

Some men always seem to complain the line between complimenting and creeping on someone is too thin. Personally, I think that’s pretty ridiculous. If you don’t know the different between flirting and sexual harassment, then you need to seek further help than Bae Watch can provide! This guy’s message wasn’t gross or provocative, it was just a little awkward and comfortable. Guys, if someone came up to you in the club and told you that you had an outstanding complexion and luscious hair you’d probably feel a little weird.

  • “Wow your just gorgeous. Not usual to see a real woman like you around. I see a lot of self respect tbh and I couldn’t help but notice the amazing features you have. Your pretty eyes caught my attention. I don’t know you but I’m really interested in getting to know you as a person. Something about you seems unique your pics alone show a good impression in yourself. I would like to keep a smile on your face and have a good convo with you. Your Sooo attractive. nd independent 😍🙈🙌😩💕 Just Sayin”
    –20, Upper Marlboro, Maryland

First things first, the lack of proper grammar is killing me. Second, there’s no need to bash other women you’ve encountered. It’s really unflattering, and it’s one of the quickest ways to seem like a douche. I never want to hear a man talk trash about a woman. The whole “these females out here are sensitive” and “these females out here are thots” mentality is also really unattractive. Anything you say after you bash another woman is going in one ear and out the other. Just don’t do it. Think about how quickly women are labeled bitter or unattractive when they bash men or come off as man-haters. It’s not cute for anybody to do.  Final thought, seriously cut out this hatteration. 

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February 15, 2016

About Author

Rosewater Rosewater is pursuing her Bachelor’s Degree in International Relations and Leadership and Management minor at American University. Her passion for education encourages her love of teaching and learning from others. She uses humor and creativity to push back against elitism in higher academia—often infusing pop culture references to make heady concepts more digestible. She advocates for urban youth’s accessibility to political and social justice concepts, with an ultimate goal of fervently improving urban development. She is committed to her dream of founding a national non-profit to expand resource accessibility to low income housing residents. As a writer and graphic illustrator for The Collard, she enjoys weaving ratchet politics and everyday happenings together for the modern millennial’s entertainment and education.


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