The Modern Condition

“You’ve Been Cutting Mangoes Wrong Your Whole Life!” and Other Disappointments

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You FOOL. You may think you know how to cut mangoes, but I’m telling you you’re straight wrong. I have plenty of Internet videos to back me up.

Guess what else? You’ve been cutting avocados wrong, too. That’s right. Your guacamole is a damn lie.

Here are some other life-changing disappointments for you:

  •      You don’t peel potatoes like that. What, were you raised in a barn?
  •      Everything you think you know about the alphabet is incorrect.
  •      Columbus actually sailed the ocean blue in 1493 so your little rhyme is irrelevant
  •      You’re supposed to eat PB&J with a fork and knife, you heathen
  •      Same with pizza
  •      Broccoli is just a vegetable, not a small tree as you’d like to think
  •      Also, you’ve been cutting broccoli wrong your whole life
December 10, 2015

About Author

C. LaPara Cailley LaPara is currently an undergraduate at George Washington working towards a BA in International Affairs and English, with a minor in Creative Writing. She spends most of her time providing comic relief to the pressures of this highly competitive city, even if she’s the only one laughing. Her comic relief outlets include being a writer for The Collard and the founder of an on-campus comedy-writing group. Other hobbies include writing, reading, sleeping (if there’s time), Gilmore Girls, running, and making up songs in weird voices about whatever she’s doing in that moment. Her roommate loves her for it


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