Politics

Someone Suggested Moving Paris Talks to Tropical Climate and Now Everyone’s Cool with Global Warming

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The rest of the world looked on in anticipation as world leaders met in Paris for the long-awaited 2015 United Nations Climate Change Conference. Nobody knows what will actually come out of the climate talks, but everyone has the same assumption: we need to stop climate change.

But do we?

Here’s what happened.

On the morning of the second day in Paris, German Chancellor Angela Merkel and Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau entered the venue dripping with rain and grumbling about the gray, dreary weather.

“It was making everyone grumpy,” recalls Merkel. “So President of Chile Michele Bachelet suggested moving the conference. We all looked at her like she was crazy and then thought, ‘actually, that’s a great idea!’”

So the world leaders booked a flight together and headed to Aruba. Bachelet claims that the purpose of moving the conference was to get everyone’s spirits up with a healthy dose of Vitamin D so they could be more productive.

“But then our attitudes changed and I think we’re in a much better place now,” says Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, sipping a piña colada. “Rather than trying to fight this losing battle, we’ve accepted climate change. We’re all way more relaxed than we’ve been in years.”

The conference attendees have outlined several benefits of accepting climate change: affordable tropical vacations for everyone because no one will need to leave their hometown, no more Sandals Jamaica ads that make you feel lonely, and less pressure to bike to work when really you just hate bikes.

The world continues to wait and see what will come out of the Aruba talks, but it’s looking like we can all go back to not caring.

December 27, 2015

About Author

C. LaPara Cailley LaPara is currently an undergraduate at George Washington working towards a BA in International Affairs and English, with a minor in Creative Writing. She spends most of her time providing comic relief to the pressures of this highly competitive city, even if she’s the only one laughing. Her comic relief outlets include being a writer for The Collard and the founder of an on-campus comedy-writing group. Other hobbies include writing, reading, sleeping (if there’s time), Gilmore Girls, running, and making up songs in weird voices about whatever she’s doing in that moment. Her roommate loves her for it


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