Pop Culture, The Modern Condition

4 Christmas Albums That Say, “I Still Buy CDs”

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Christmas mean something different to everyone: presents, good food, family, consumerism, an upswing in one’s hatred of consumerism, mistletoe, an upswing in one’s hatred of mistletoe. But whoever you are, and whoever you’re spending your Christmas with this year, I’ll bet there’s some semblance of tradition in there.

Maybe your tradition is watching the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story while wearing flannel jammies and drinking endless mugs of hot chocolate. Or  maybe your tradition is to get into an argument with your uncle about one of three topics (this year it’s global warming). Whatever it is, there will be Christmas music jingling in the background while it happens. So this year, pick some albums that say, “I love tradition so much that I went and bought the CD because they don’t even have this album online. Remember CDs? Such a great tradition, guys!”

  1.    A Very Country Christmas Starring Willie Nelson and Shania Twain singing over him on a separate track that was recorded years later. This one is sure to be the boot-stompinest, gosh-darned jolliest Christmas album to hike up your suspenders to and dance a mighty hoe-down after a few glasses of that there eggnog!
  2.    All I Want For Christmas is New Emojis. Each track’s title on this album is an emoji. The rendition of “Christmas Tree Emoji” is especially pleasing. Since all the lyrics are emojis, the only way to sing along is to contort your face into the emoji that the song best represents! “Eyes-Woman-Face Throwing a Kiss-Father Christmas” (sounds a lot like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause”) is sure to make you Face With Stuck-Out Tongue and Winking Eye! It’s a great singalong for the whole family.
  3.    Christmas Comedy Album: A Ho-Ho-Ho and A Ha-Ha-Ha for the Holidays. This album features 15 never-quite-made-it comedians from the ‘80s, ‘90s, and ‘00s. You may find the holiday-related humor hard to digest at first but much like Aunt Kathy’s fruitcake, it’s sure to have you and yours doubled over the more you consume.
  4.    Put Your Guests to Sleep: Yuletide Jazz for the Tired Christmas Host or Hostess.  There’s nothing that puts a party to sleep like the combination of red wine and smooth Christmas jazz. If you’re looking to get a head start on the dishes or simply don’t want to hear anyone talk about their New Year’s get fit plans any more, blast this through your speakers. They work like the poppies in Wizard of Oz: fast-acting and powerful. Just be warned: you might fall asleep too.

 

December 21, 2015

About Author

C. LaPara Cailley LaPara is currently an undergraduate at George Washington working towards a BA in International Affairs and English, with a minor in Creative Writing. She spends most of her time providing comic relief to the pressures of this highly competitive city, even if she’s the only one laughing. Her comic relief outlets include being a writer for The Collard and the founder of an on-campus comedy-writing group. Other hobbies include writing, reading, sleeping (if there’s time), Gilmore Girls, running, and making up songs in weird voices about whatever she’s doing in that moment. Her roommate loves her for it


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